Today in my part of Iraq

Today was a slow day here in this big corner of Iraq. We had two IEDs that the Iraqi EOD had to clear, three car accidents, two fires and a bunch of false IED alarms.
Civilians are tired of living in fear, today we have received many phone calls from civilians reporting IEDs, but most of them were false reports. Civilians find a bag or a box or something that doesn't look right and they report it. We have arrested so many terrorist pigs from different countries because of civilians calling the IP and reporting that "somebody with a different accent is staying in some house."
The news report IEDs that injure or kill Americans, but the news hardly report when the IEDs kill civilians. Yesterday an IED exploded on a car carrying a mother and two children, all survived but the car was destroyed. Another IED went off on an IP patrol, wounding an IP and killing a civilian that was playing soccer with his children.
The last call we received today was that a truck carrying chickens had rolled over and needed a tow truck to get it out of the ditch, there were no injuries but 5 chickens were killed.

Today was a slow day in my part of Iraq. We are trying to bring peace to this country, but goat fuckers like zarqawi want to implant terror on the people of Iraq. Slowly, this country will have a revolution, an industrial revolution that will be the envy of other Arab countries.

(Next day)
I think my words were premature. Today the Hand of Allah saved Iraqis from that terrorist pig lover zarqawi. This afternoon we heard an explosion outside the compound that was not loud enough for a VBIED (car bomb). The explosion left one wounded that ended at to the hospital. The follow up report from the IP said that there were two dead bodies inside the car and that the wounded individual at the hospital was running away from the car when it blew up. The IP told us that there was a suicide bomber inside the car with a suicide vest on him, but something happened and it blew up before reaching a check point full with Iraqi civilians. There was a dead body on the driver's side blown to tiny bits, his face had exploded and clothes were burnt off his body, the other body with the vest was destroyed by the explosion but we were able to find enough to feed the dogs. Civilians close to the explosion said that the third individual at the hospital got out of the car before it blew up. He was still alive but the explosion ripped his eyes out, and burnt his face, hands and legs to a crisp. The final count from this attack was two terrorists killed, one wounded and NO CIVILIAN CASUALTIES.
By the way, the terrorist that survived is going to spend the rest of his life in jail, blind, with no hands and burnt.

I LOVE HAPPY ENDINGS.